I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
