My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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