trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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