my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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