.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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