woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
