We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
