sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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