1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
