I understand Curling. That high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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