Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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