I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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