she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
