I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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