sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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