What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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