I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
