I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can feel your judgement through the phone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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