Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
