Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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