a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
