Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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