there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
