What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
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Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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