I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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