she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
