That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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