Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
