Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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