If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
