Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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