if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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