You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
