Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
