I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
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