My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
