i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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