So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
