My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
