We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
