wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I am morally bankrupt
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
