All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
