angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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