Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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