Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
