there's paper in my vomit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
