I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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