you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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