Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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