He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
