The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
