mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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