Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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