roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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