I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We're too hungover to prance.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize