My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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