It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can text with my tongue
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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