just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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