apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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