You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
