I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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