Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize