Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sober January is a disaster.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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