What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
