K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
