An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
