We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
