i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
