Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
