I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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