I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
