a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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