He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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