I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
