No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
