I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
