And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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