i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
